Computer Problems! – It’s Probably The Bandwidth!!
You get home from work. You rush to your computer and turn it on. You log into myspace and go to the mail section. You are waiting for a message from you best Internet girlfriend, Betty. The computer jumps into action. After a few seconds it just sits there………… stuck. That little MSN icon on the top right of the screen just flaps in the breeze. Nothing happens. Chance are you are experiencing bandwidth problems.
You rush to turn check out your balance at the bank. You just wrote a check and now you don’t remember if you have enough money to cover it in the bank. You log in with your password. You push the button to take you to the correct place to check your balance. And then………nothing happens. All you see is the login screen with the little MSN flag waves in the breeze. Your problem; bandwidth.
You overhear a conversation in the next cubicle. That new girl down the hall, Mona, with the humongous headlights, has her own website. She has taken nude pictures of herself and posted them on the Internet. You rush to check out her site moaningmona.com! You are just getting to the good part. You can see the top of her head as the picture becomes clearer and moves down her body. Then………….it stops. All you can see is her head, which isn’t too pretty. Did you see any “headlights”? No! Again, bandwidth problems.
According to the Institute Computaire in Paris, lack of bandwidth is the single biggest problem affecting computer users today. Well, that and not getting to see Moaning Mona’s breasts. The Institute will release new findings after a six-month study on the subject in September.
Just what is bandwidth and why is it so important in the computer world? Quite simply, bandwidth is the ability for your computer to send and receive data. It is the key to how your computer performs. It is the single most important factor in computer use. Al Gore and I know about bandwidth.
The trouble is too many of us use much too much bandwidth. I have written a letter to the I.B.A., the International Bandwidth Association, in Topeka, Kansas asking them to look into the bandwidth situation. I feel we should all be restricted in the use of bandwidth.
I don’t use much bandwidth at all. For example, on myspace I have only one picture of myself. I don’t have pictures of my children, former girlfriends, animals, grandparents, my “bestest friend ever” (she’s having sex with your boyfriend!), the family at the lake, the family at Disneyworld, the family at the Grand Canyon, the family at the NASCAR race, a picture of my trailer in Sylacauga, or anything like that. That’s take up too much bandwidth. Plus, when you look like I do only one picture is needed to get the full gist of who I am.
On the other end of the spectrum, a friend of mine uses way too much bandwidth. When I see him tomorrow I am going to have to have a talk with him. Once, when my grandmother was old I had to tell her she was just breathing up good air a young person could be breathing! I am going to have to tell my friend he’s using too much bandwidth other computer users could be using.
He had a picture of him and J.Lo, but he took that one off and put one of him and Daisy Fuentes up with some kind of smart remark under it. That’s just a waste of bandwidth. There’s also pictures of him and his son. His son’s the little guy who cramps my style every other Friday. Again, just a waste of bandwidth. Then he has his women. It takes him three pages to get all his lady friends on the site. And he doesn’t even have the ones he knows that look the best in his profile. Again, more waste of bandwidth.
He’s not the only one wasting bandwidth. Another of my buddies had a picture of his cousin kissing a cow. Don’t ask what they do with the goats! He also had a family picture out at the lake. In the background you can see them pushing Aunt Mabel in the lake. Again, a waste of bandwidth.
Bandwidth also comes into play in work situations. Several weeks ago we were faced with a tough and sticky problem at work. We are surveyors and a problem came up. We were called in to solve it. While the other people worried about angles, distances, GPS, and such I knew that was not the problem. When it came time for me to speak, I simply said, “We don’t have enough bandwidth.” In the end that was the problem.
So if you are having computer problems chances are you are using too much bandwidth. Take some of the pictures off your site you don’t really need. Your dog is not that cute! Cut down on the music videos that define your existence. I have heard “Whiter Shade of Pale” enough when I have gone to visit your profile. Remember the few of us who conserve bandwidth like San Antonio should conserve water. It’s the only fair thing to do.
I Am Not Waking Her Up!!!!!
My wife has to get up much earlier than she normally does this morning. She asked me to wake her up. Is she crazy? Does she think I am crazy? I told her I was not going to be able to do that this morning. I had another job I had to do that was much more enjoyable!!
I am going down to the zoo to wake up the cobras!! It would be much more fun waking them up than waking her up.
Let’s just say she is not a morning person. The last time we had to do this I tried to get my big male Lab, Charlie, to do the honors. He would not go in the room. As a matter of fact he headed for the door. He wanted to go outside. He’s no big dummy!
So if anyone wants to give it a shot please let me know. Write back and I will give you my address and a key. I am not going to be here when she wakes up. Oh, and if you want the job: good luck. You will need a lot of it, and also some kind of helmet and ear protection. LOL
Gitmo Tape: Pretty Lame!!
If this is what does on at Gitmo they just as soon close it! This is the lamest tape of someone being questioned that I have ever seen. I put a comment on someone’s site that the guys on Dragnet did it better than this.
Think about this one. If the situation were reversed and this was an American being “questioned” by his captors do you think this is what you would see? I don’t think so. You’d see his fingernails being pulled out with pliers and stuff like that.
If the left in this country has a problem with what is going down in Cuba at Gitmo we are in much worse shape than I could have imagined. The tape proves to me that we are much too lenient on these guys and we will never get any information from them.
Where’s the Barry Manilow music? Now, that would drive them crazy. If they want to get information from them just let me go down and give it a try. I think I could get some of them to talk at least a little.
This was a pretty lame tape. If this is what we do down there I am truly disappointed in our military and intelligence people.
Tuesday Trials
Well, I made Monday. Now, I head into Tuesday. It almost feels like I am heading to trial. LOL. Not really, but at times some of my days make me feel as I almost am heading into a courtroom to save my hide. This seems to be one of those days. I have no particular reason to fell that way. It’s just a perception in my feeble mind that brings about such misconceptions. After I am really awake and thinking much more clearly things will come into focus and I will be “acquitted” to head into my day.
I went to work early yesterday and I will do the same today. We really can’t put any extra hours down, but the job has to be done. I will be paid back handsomely by my company. They know, or at least I hope they know, I have been working many extra hours and not putting them down on my timesheet.
It was hot yesterday. We’ll be in for more of the same for the next week or so. Rain is not in the forecast either. So it will begin to get hot and dry again. We had 4″ of rain at my house over a period of a week several weeks ago. You can’t even tell where that is now. I will just have to continue to water to keep the plants alive and hope we get more rain. When the cooler weather arrives the plants will do better also. We just have to hold on until then.
I need to continue to write as I have been in my blogs. I really need to get back to my short story writing and my screenplays. I am not having much luck doing so. I will have to figure out a way to do so. I need to rearrange my schedule to do that. If anyone has any thoughts on the subject please let me know.
I have to go now. I need to get to work around 6 a.m. and I don’t have any time to waste. I will have a good work day and then it will be time to come home and have some great fun with my dogs and cats, and maybe even my wife. More later!
Mad, Manic Monday
Monday’s are not usually good for me. This one will be really bad. It will be a madhouse and a lot of mania for me. I think I will survive it though. The only way to find out is to get it started and here goes.
I had to work Saturday; pretty much all day. I went in at 6:45 and worked until 3:45. We have a job we have to get out early this morning. So we worked on it for Thursday, Friday and Saturday. We are way over budget, although the budget on this job was cut in half. I am not involved with that aspect of the job so I can’t speak to that. The due date on the job was moved up 11 days also. So this job has been very stressful on me for sure. With the way things are going at work that adds even more stress. I can deal with it though. I just have to make sure I don’t let the stress level get to me. I will hug my dogs and cats before I go to work. That will help. Hug my wife……………nah, that wouldn’t help. LOL!!
I won’t say much about my weekend since we really did not have one. We went out to eat on Friday at the Outback Steak House. It was very nice and we had a very great waitress. We left a very big tip. She was happy. I also watered my garden big time yesterday. My plants were looking droopy so I hit them with some good watering using my soaker hoses. I think this will do them good.
We will be pretty hot all week without much chance of rain. So I figure we are back in our normal summer pattern. We might have a shower or two pop up. So you never know. I am hoping we do get some rain and relief from the heat. Of course, it is summer in south central Texas so you have to expect some hot weather.
My wife’s raise is on her check she will get tomorrow. And it’s a very nice chunk of change. It will be $260 per check. Plus we just paid our last installment on our debt payment. So we are going to be sitting OK for money. I won’t say pretty since we still have some debt to pay off and stuff like that. But this is a big deal for us. We have struggled over the past five years and this will be one less headache to worry about. Yes, we will go out and celebrate.
We bathed our dogs yesterday. They needed it bad. We got some good shampoo from the vet. Maybe they won’t scratch as much. I hope they do feel better.
Obama, Bernie Mac, and Being Funny
This one is just amusing, too funny. Obama is having a $2,300 a plate fundraiser and the entertainment is Bernie Mac. The story in the paper tells us that by the end of his act the crowd is getting on poor old Bernie. When Obama comes out to speak he tells Bernie he needs to “clean up his act”. The big media reports all of this like it is news and like it’s very surprising on Bernie Mac’s part!! This is just too funny.
What did Obama, the crowd and the big media think Bernie Mac was going to do? They did not realize he was going to get a bit “off color” in his routine. That’s what he does. That’s pretty much is his act.
I find “news” like this amusing. To invite Bernie Mac to entertain a crowd and then gripe, whine and complain when he gets a bit off color……………..just shows you either did this to make yourself look good or you are just plain stupid. I think Obama may be a lot of both!!
Farting Dust
Several years ago my Dad, my brother, my Uncle Les and myself went to an LSU track meet. This was a family event we all looked forward to. Of course, once at the event we soon got thirsty and hungry. So a trip, or several trips, to the refreshment booth was in order at this point.
On one trip I went to get something to drink with my Uncle Les. This was just about the time someone had figured out if you take the LSU Tigers name with a picture of Mike the Tiger and put it on a very large plastic cup you could charge much more for the drink. Before this time drinks cost 30 cents a piece. The customer would also have a keepsake to take home with him. The university probably figured this was a win-win situation for everyone. They did not plan on meeting my Uncle Les.
We walked up to the refreshment stand. My uncle told the lady we wanted two cokes. She poured two cokes into these large plastic cups and pushed them toward us. Then she told my uncle that would be $2, or $1 each.
My uncle looked at me and he looked at the lady. Then he pushed both cokes back toward her. He never looked at anyone directly but as he turned to walk off, without purchasing the drinks, he murmured, “I’ll fart dust before I pay a dollar for a coke!”
My Wife Survived Her Dental Procedure……….Rats!!
Oh yeah, she was scared going in. She thought she might not make it. I was already making plans to get me a new and younger model. But then……………..it all came out just fine. She survived the root canal and will live to fight again. And I have to just wait once more for a newer model as another chance for her demise is wasted. LOL
My wife did fine. She made it through the deal fine. After it was over she came home and rested a bit. She still worked though. She answered 87 e-mails as she tried to just lay down and rest. She stayed still and took a good nap. So it was all fine. She did great. I am proud of her. She is tougher than she thinks she is!!
My animals were worried about her. I am really proud of my big man, Pierre’, a tuxedo cat. He is the alpha animal around the house. He laid on my wife as close as he could get to her problem area and purred away. He knew what to do. I love that big man. Our Suzie Q., the Border Collie, also laid in the bed close to her Momma. She is a great dog also. So I am very proud of all my animals. When you are sick they know they have to try and make you feel better. I love them all.
So, in the end my wife survived the ordeal. I just thought I might get lucky and be able to choose a newer model for a wife. That will have to wait for another day. Rats!!
WEDNESDAY WORRYING
Yes, I am a bit worried this morning. My wife has to go for some dental work, including a root canal. I am just a bit concerned for her. Of course, the dentists today have better tools than ever to work with and they will give her some good pain medication, but I am still worried. She’s a big though. She will come out fine and things will be OK.
My wife will just have to get the procedure done and then come home and rest. We have a nice recliner in the bedroom where she can come and just relax in. I know we have a cat that will lay with her and purr a lot. That is better medicine than the doctor can give you! I am going to be worried, but I know things will come out fine.
1.67″!! That’s how much rain we had yesterday. Let’s just say we are in the “rainy” season for some reason. The rain is much needed. We will still be far behind our averages for the year in rainfall totals, but at least this allows us to catch up a bit. The aquifer will rise again as I think this rain was over the whole recharge area for a few hours. That is welcome.
It will be a little warmer than predicted for the end of the week, but not by much. We will have diminished chances for rain, but still some chance. Our weather is more normal than it has been. We have not busted the drought though. That will take time. We need some rain from time to time for the drought to be declared over. I am optimistic we will get more rain for the rest of the summer and into the fall.
Our college girl came and cleaned our house yesterday. It looks and smells great. That’s hard to accomplish with our animals. As usual, the young lady did a wonderful job. We are lucky to have her in our lives. She is so amazing and impressive.
I am going now. I want to check on my wife to see how she is doing. I will be here for her and take care of her until she’s feeling great again. More later!!
